Conversational Idiots Thursday, Aug 13 2009

On Friday nights I usually like to go to a little bar/restaurant near my house to have a beer or two.  Usually a few older guys are in the place and we talk about football mostly.  We start talking about regular football stuff and then this idiot decides to chime in. I’m ok with some one joining into a conversation if you can bring some quality to it.  How else are you supposed to meet new people anyway?  So this guy who joins in starts talking about how he talks to Les Miles and such.  Ok right then and there he has lost his credibility in the conversation.  He then states that LSU will go 36 and 0 over the next three years. He then loses even more credibility.  The guy next to me just starts reading the paper and is no longer even talking to anyone at the bar.  He then states that he helped build the new Alex Box Stadium.  Ok dude you just said you hook up home audio for a living.  This guy was such a …….loser.  He looks just like the guy from the movie Super Bad who brings Seth and the little skinny loser guy to the party just to get his butt kicked.  Yea this guy could be him. Actually I would put money that his character is based off of this loser. He tries to get this other guy to buy him a beer when he already has a full beer in front of him.  Sometimes people need to learn bar room etiquette.  Maybe I can teach a class on it.  Of coarse it would be hosted in a bar.   Any kind of bar is a good place to meet people.  Well except those bars where they have some sort of mafia or such hanging out.    People do say that a bar is not a place to meet people in general.  I don’t believe that to be true.  Odds are if you’re in a bar you probably have something in common with those people. 

 

Here’s a little lesson for people.  If you start talking to people and they stop talking to you and then begin to ignore you then you shouldn’t try and talk to those people.  I thought for sure that was common sense.  You have to be a smooth talker to join back a conversation when everyone then hates you.  For instance I have probably judged by the first sentence that comes out of your mouth. Be somewhat realistic in your conversation.  People can usually tell when your full of it.  If you walk up to a bar and people are having conversation and once your there people stop talking odds are you are an idiot (you should work on that).  It’s not easy to meet people these days and it’s going to be even harder if you act like an ass.   So my advice to people that are looking to meet new people is to be realistic and think about what you’re going to say before it comes out of your mouth.

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Crap in a bag Wednesday, Aug 5 2009

Why is it that when your in an awkward position people always want to talk to you.  It’s not usually just one person it continues to happen multiple times.  For instance today I went to walk Lexy.  I brought her to her usual spot for her to do her dirty work.  I have never seen a dog that likes to do her business in the same place.  Although if I ask her if she wants to go for a ride she does her business anywhere.  Anyway I bring her to her spot and she doesn’t want to do anything.  So I decided lets go take a walk in the neighborhood across the street.  It’s a pretty nice neighborhood.  I bring my bag to pick up her you know what just in case.  So we actually get to the neighborhood and she decides to go in the first person’s yard.  I’m like Lex you have got to be kidding me.  So I pick it up with my bag and I start walking.  It has a pretty foul smell.  So I make the first turn and this lady stops with her dog and just starts talking.  She starts asking me all kinds of questions……what kind of dog is she? Did you spray paint those white spots on her?  Why is her tongue spotted?  I’m thinking to my self damn lady can’t you see I’m holding shit in a bag in my hand.  I didn’t say that but I wanted to.  So I try and answer all of her questions.  By the way who the hell would spray paint their dog?  Anyway I walk a little more and here comes this lady with 3 little girls.  The lady asked, “Would you mind if my girls pet your dog.”  I say sure why not.  What I should have said is lady can you hold this crap for me so I don’t have to carry it for the next mile on this walk.  Anyway that’s my rant for the day.  If you see someone carrying crap in a bag don’t talk to them.  No one wants to speak to someone if their holding crap.  This is common sense people.

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Cajun Onstar Monday, Aug 3 2009

One thing I hate about the world we live in today is when someone tries to put a damper on people having fun.  I’m not talking about some people going rob some banks or anything.  I’m talking about the Cajun Onstar video on you tube.  I will say the first time that I don’t think I’ve ever laughed that hard for a long time.  The second time I watched it I laughed just as much.   Well this guy Walyn Suire didn’t feel the same way about it.   He said at first he thought it was funny, but he doesn’t any more.  He claims he drove five hours to state his opinion.  Doesn’t this guy have anything else better to do with his time than drive five hours to state his opinion?  Couldn’t he write an email or make a phone call?   I come from a small town in Louisiana.  I’ve heard part of my family talk this way before.  I don’t think that Scott is offending them at all.  I think Mr. Suire needs to get on with his life and go change his picture on Facebook (pending it’s the same guy).    If he was so proud of where he’s from why doesn’t he live there anymore?  If Walyn Suire really thinks that this video misrepresents his culture I suggest he should take it up with Adam Sandler because this is exactly how the people from the movie “The Water Boy” speak throughout the entire movie.

 

Why is it that when someone has fun with something someone always has to throw in the “what if’s.”  That is what wrong with the world today.  Let people have fun every once in a while.  Without fun in your life you basically have no life.  Everyone needs a good laugh.   

 

Thank you for the “Cajun Onstar” it was truly an awesome video.

 

Here is a link to the KATC.com story

http://www.katc.com/global/story.asp?s=10781551

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Weird People Sunday, Aug 2 2009

Sometimes I wonder if people know you’re weird or just unlikeable For instance I know if I do something stupid the first thing that comes to my mind is you’re an idiot.  One person comes to mind when I think of someone unlikeable.  This dude brags about himself to people.  Although I’ve usually warned them before hand that he is the token person for the word tool.  So they quite expect it.  People tend to invite me places and I’ll usually ask, “who’s going” and sure enough they know not to tell me he’s going because I really don’t feel like putting up with his toolish antics.  So my questions is does this dude know he’s a tool?  Does he do all these things on purpose for people just to dislike him?  Or is he really in some type of subconscious that he really thinks that he is the bomb. 

 

Ok on to weird people.  I have this friend who came over to my house and would not stop watching my big TV.   Now common when you ask someone if they can come over to watch Judge Judy on your TV doesn’t that strike you as a little weird.    I mean were friends but I really don’t want you opening up shop on my couch and watching Judge Judy.  On another instance last night I stopped to get gas.  After getting gas I decided that I wanted something to drink.  I ask the clerk dude,

 

Me: Can I get a powerball ( I didn’t know what time it was)

Clerk Dude: sorry man were all shut down for the night

Me  Well I guess I’m not meant to be a winner tonight

Clerk Dude:  Man you got to stay persistent.  You got to keep on it. 

Me.  Seems like the only way to win right

Clerk Dude:  you know like that lady you’re after you got to keep at her till the bitch calls the cops.

Me:  I’ll write that down

Me: leaving circle k

 

Who tells somebody that?  Well obviously the guy working at the Circle K on Sherwood.  I get in my car and I start to wonder how many times he got the cops called on him.   It also makes me think should I go back to this dude to see what other advice he could give me?  I wonder if this guy has an entire outlook on life and he’s just waiting to be discovered at Circle K.  He reminds me of someone I know but I’m not going to mention any names.  I guess he’s not really weird he’s just persistent of what he wants.  So maybe if I would have said give me a power ball like a million times he might of gave me like a free hot dog or something or even a bottle of Mad Dog 2020(yuk)

 

 

 

It would be really funny if Seth Rogan would come back with a movie called weird people.  Where he figures out that all his friends around him are just weird and he’s like WTF.  Why are my friends weird?  Why haven’t I noticed this before?   I would watch it.

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The thing we call facebook Friday, Jul 17 2009

So I was drinking my morning cup of coffee.  All of a sudden I hear an email come in.  ”Blah Blah” has added you on facebook.  First thing that comes to my mind is…”Who the hell is that”.    I go ahead and log in to facebook and go look who the person is.  It’s some Stupid B**** from highschool….or maybe it was college.  I go walk down the hall to get me another cup of coffee.  I sit back down and I decided that i’m going to ignore her.  30 minutes later i get an email.

“Hi Ryan.  Just wanted to see how you were doing.  I came across your blog and I never knew you could be so funny.  It seems like your doing great.  Hope to talk to you soon.  I kind of blow it off.  Three hours later I decided to go to lunch and let the dog out.  As I’m driving back to work I start to think about that email.  As I think about it more and more I start to feel aggravated about it.  I then get back to work and I log on to facebook and I send her the message.

If you would have maybe tried to talk to me once in your life maybe you would of realized who I was you stupid bitch.

Have a good one.

R

I hate when random people that you never really ever talked to decided they want to be your friend on facebook.  I much rather randoms  that have no idea who i am add me than stupid people that never had a desire to talk to me before in life.  I hope some one punches her in the face .

Another thing that I think is totally weird is when someone you haven’s seen in years and use to be a complete “Bad Ass” has found god.  I mean common really?  It’s weird how these people are really gung ho (sp) about it.  I do believe in God, but some of these people just creep me out about the whole being saved thing.  I totally understand about religion.  You can worship whatever you want to worship just don’t tell me about it.   I hate when people try to force their religion on you.  I have walked away in the middle of a conversation before.

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Ex’s that live in Texas Monday, Jun 29 2009

So I have this ex girlfriend that is quite “different”.  She will randomly go ahead and add me on Facebook.  I just hit ignore and go about my business.  I do not think I’m wrong for that, but its been years leave me alone psycho.  She has been randomly sending me an add request for actually the last 3 years.  It’s not about 10:42 and I’m about to go to bed.  I check my email and I bet you can’t guess who tried to add me to Facebook.  Well any guesses?  If you picked the ex your wrong.  Her husband added me.  Who does that.  I mean what guy in his right mind would add  his wife’s old boyfriend.  I never even met the dude.  Who does this?  Has this ever happened to anyone?  I’m thinking about adding him just to piss her off.  I think that would be funny, but I don’t think it’s worth the trouble.

It’s not Monday yet and I’m already asking my self WHY?

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Overcoming My addiction Thursday, May 28 2009

I have what some may call an addiction.  Just incase your a  moron and don’t know what it means here’s a lil definition for you.  

addiction: compulsive need for and use of a habit-forming substance (as heroin, nicotine,  or alcohol ) characterized by tolerance and by well-defined physiological symptoms upon withdrawal ; broadly : persistent compulsive use of a substance known by the user to be harmful.

It’s not alcohol, crack, heroin, or any of those things you can get from your neighbor hood street corner.  As many of you know I love redbull, but this is a much stronger addiction.  If it’s in the house I just have to have it.  It calls me from all the rooms in the house.  Its like a drug but it’s no where even close.  The worst part is when you put something on top of it and it makes it even worse for you.  Then you add Ice cream to the mix.  It’s almost like a piece of heaven in your mouth.  My addiction is to brownies.  No I’m not talking about hash brownies.  I’m talking about good ole chocolate brownies.  If they are in the house I will eat them.  I feel bad after everyone and then I get me another one.  So I figured I would write a blog about this addiction.  I think brownies should be added to the list of addiction descriptions.  Sarah made some brownies and added a peanut butter topping(peanut butter, honey, and vanilla).  I just ate one and added ice-cream to it……it was the awesomeist thing ever.  There is two left in the pan and it’s calling my name.  So i decided to write a blog to take my mind off of them.   Now i think i need to go walk my dog………

Please help me

 

ryan

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I’m a MAC Tuesday, May 5 2009

 

So as you all know I’ve been contemplating getting a Mac for some time now. The biggest issue that I had been having was the price. I never really had to pay for a computer. So I think that was my biggest issue. I’ve always had a company computer so why pay for it. Buying a computer is just one more expense that I don’t really need. One day last week I got home from work and just decided to say the hell with it. I work for a living and I should be able to buy what I want. So here is my review of my new Imac 24 inch

I decided to get it from Best Buy. I have a 18 months no interest card. I decided to order it online. I really hate to deal with sales people. Regardless how cool people are at the “Mac Store So at 7:30 I decided to order it. At 8 I got an email saying that it was ready to be picked up. I then fly to the store. I was there in 5 minutes. I actually do live a quarter of a mile from the store. I go to customer service and pay with credit card. The girl brings up the box. It is ginormous. My first thoughts are this is going to be awesome. So I bring it home and undo my POS dell from my desk and plug it up. I get everything up and running in about 15 min. It is amazing how cool the screen looks.

 

Things I’ve done with my IMAC

1. The software it comes with is pretty cool to play with

2. Phone Booth. Its just an app that allows you to take pictures with your built in camera and then apply random effects to them
3. Garage Band- you can make songs and such and I believe it will actually help you learn to play an instrument
4. I’m amazed how smooth Itunes runs. Itunes on any PC that I’ve had usually kind of takes a long time to load. On this its up and running in a blink of an eye.
5. I found a program that you can take music off of an IPOD that’s not synced with your Itunes account
6. I’ve installed VMWARE fusion.  This allows you to install windows that runs as a virtual machine. It pretty much runs like another piece of software. It’s amazing how smooth Windows runs in it. If you put it in full screen you can’t tell that you’re not working on a Microsoft machine

7. I’ve installed Microsoft office for Mac. This runs very well

 

I haven’t done all that much on the machine yet. I’ve been searching for apps and such that I would use. There are a ton of apps that people would use. Some are free and others you have to pay for just like the Iphone just a little pricier. So tonight I asked my self tonight can I justify spending the extra money on a computer? The answer is yes. Why do you ask? This computer just runs so dam smooth. There really is no lag when opening different programs. You don’t get the Illegal operations this system must close. So I have came up with a Pro’s and con’s list for you people that my be on the lookout and reasons to justify spending the extra cash

 

Pro’s

1. Your cooler when you have one j/k

2. No spam or spyware

3. It runs very smooth

4. If you need to run windows on it you can load VMWARE fusion and it works like a champ

5. You can’t go wrong with a 24 inch screen

6. No illegal operations.

7. Capability to take songs off your IPOD without having to sync it.

8. It is fairly easy to use and to figure out

9. Most people who own Mac’s don’t mind answering questions. (PC people are aholes…..i know I’m one of them)

10. The only wire you really need is the power. It makes your desk really look neat

 

CONS

1. The new keyboard takes some getting use to. It’s kind of small. I even bought the wireless one and it was around 60 bucks

2. Not everything you want to do on a MAC can be done on it. But there is a work around

3. Im not a fan of the mouse

4. I now want a MAC laptop….. yes that’s a CON

5. It’s pricey

 

So on a final note If you came to me and asked me should you buy a Mac or a PC my response would be buy a mac if you can afford it. It’s a great piece of equipment. There is an actual learning curve. You have to get use to how the OS works. It runs really great and I can honestly say I may never buy a PC for a personal computer again. I AM NOW A MAC

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Why does walgreens sell hats with dollar signs? Thursday, Apr 2 2009

So I’m going to take this time to say thank you Microsoft.  Thank you providing me with windows updates that take forever to run.  Thanks you windows updates that reboots my computer in the middle of the night when I have stuff open that I don’t want closed.  Thank you windows updates for the scratches on my car for from the hurricane.  Ok that one may not be entirely Microsoft’s fault. Thank you Microsoft for turning on the firewall to one of my servers and making me drive two hours at 8 o’clock at night to go figure out why the hell I couldn’t access my server.  So thank you for ruining my day yesterday Microsoft (gold digging bastards).  Seriously I wanted to punch someone in the face.  I was furious.  

 

During my journey 2 hours out of BR you never would guess the weird things(mostly people) you see.  First of all I went into a Walgreens to get a redbull but they didn’t have the 40 ounce redbull.  As I was leaving I saw these hats for 8 bucks.  They had a dollar sign and little bitty dollars signs all over the back of the hat.  Who would buy that?  I would kill my kid (if I had one) if he had that hat.  Actually I would probably burn it the minute I saw it.  After Walgreens I decided to stop at a Racetrack.  Yes they did have the 40 ounce redull that I wanted so very badly.  I walk out and there is this lady driving 100 miles an hour straight towards me.  She’s driving one of those old school vans.  Like one of those vans from the bad news bears.  Some people may have no clue what I’m talking about.  The van was dented in like she had hit 3 deers, a Shoney’s, a Burger King drive through, and then decided she would drive backwards on the interstate.  This van was dented for days.  Her son gets out of the car.  He looked as if he was 15.  She rolls down her window and says.

 

Mom:  Son do you have your fake ID?

Son: yea it got it

Mom: get me some cigarettes and then rolls up her window (yes it was a crank window)

 

I was walking to my car and I just started to laugh.  What is this world coming to? 

 

Peace

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Apples and Frank Tuesday, Mar 31 2009

I’m taking a healthier way to blogging tonight.  Usually when I really want to write something interesting and funny I’ll have a beer.  Just one to you know get the blog rolling.  Tonight I decided to chop up a cold apple. I love to eat cold apples.  Cold apples are the best thing since slice bread.  If you don’t think so then you’re an idiot.  Ok maybe not an idiot but you definitely don’t have taste in apples.  Anyway today was a big day in my life.   My orthodontist finally decided to take my braces off.  Now I just have to look forward to turning 30.  Well I got two years left for that. 

 

Today some started of a conversation with “Can I Be frank”.  I said no and walked away.  While I was walking away I started to think I wonder where this saying came from.  Was frank some cool hip bastard from the 60’s who got every woman possible.  Was “Frank” as famous as super man?  Are we talking about “Frank” from Donnie Darko.  Which if you have not seen is one of the greatest movies ever.  So will someone please tell me the origin of where “can I be Frank” came from.

 

So I’ve decided to take Dane cook completely off of my Ipod.  I’m done with the idiot.  You can even tell him that I said that.  I need to find some new comedians to listen to. Does anyone have any suggestions?  I listen to comedians when I fly.  It makes the time “fly” by.  Yes I am that guy that just starts laughing while sitting by him self in the plane.  I am also the same person that said this

Ryan: excuse me

Lady: Wait I’m getting my luggage

Ryan: Bitch did you not hear that I have a connecting flight

Lady: Young man why do you have to be so rude

Ryan:  Have you slept in this airport?

Lady:  she looks at me strangely

Ryan:  They give you blankets with stains on them

Lady:  Quietly moves out the way

 

Ok I need to go to bed peace

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